


Did You Love Him?

by storybored



Series: 25 days of Hellblazer [2]
Category: Constantine (TV), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Back to our regularly scheduled programming, Hurt, John is sad, M/M, and angry, but mainly sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 19:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17007636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storybored/pseuds/storybored
Summary: Priestess Laveau asked a reasonable question of the Laughing Magician, she knew his kind, his line. Conmen till the end, she didn't want the likes of him associating with her great-great grandson.





	Did You Love Him?

_ “Did you love him?” _

John couldn’t have even nodded when Priestess Laveau asked him that. He loved Dez to the point where is heart ached when they were apart from each other. John nearly destroyed himself after Dez died because it was his fault, what else was he supposed to do. Neron had been dealt with. The evil had been defeated.  _ Good _ won that day. It didn’t matter what happened what he did after how he tried to kill himself several times over.

* * *

 

Desmond screamed and burned away through the portal to hell. John dropped to the ground curling into a ball and bit down on his knuckles to prevent a scream of anguish breaking through the “quiet” New Orleans night. It didn’t work as intended. He didn’t have to look up to know that there would be people glancing down the alley for the source of the noise. John hid behind a dumpster and pulled his coat tighter around him, like a kitten hiding from the rain. The pendant around John’s neck burned and he ripped it off feeling like it was choking him to death. He didn’t throw it away though. He couldn’t, it wasn’t his to get rid of. He could give it back to Desmond’s family but he never met them. Going to Midnite was out of the question, he’d gloat and John was starting to get along with him better purely because of shear proximity. Zed, Zed was in town still. She’d help him, she owed him. Her and Corrigan both did.

Oh god what did he do? What the fuck did he do? He just killed Desmond. 

John blinked and he was at Zed’s door, he didn’t remember getting a taxi or walking here but he was out of breath and his heart was pounding. He pounded on the door,”Zed! Zed! Open the door please!”   
Jim opened the door and John fell forward making a pained noise when he hit the floor,”JOhn, do you know what time it is?”

John shrugged, his shoulders heaving not trusting himself to speak. Zed came out of the bedroom,”John is everything okay?”

John sat back on his feet so he was kneeling in front of Zed, she pulled his chin so they could look eye to eye, John pulled forward leaning into her. His voice was barely above a whisper,”Could I stay here tonight?”

Zed pulled John close to her, they’d been friends long enough that John was much younger then he appeared when it came to  emotions. Problems from his childhood and magic created John Constantine. Not anything else, not Anne Marie, not Newcastle, only John did and his thirst for knowledge,”You and Dez get into a fight?”

John’s psychic shield’s slipped and she was hit with a sense of overwhelming sadness and grief and- oh god, oh no. John choked on a sob,”You could say that.”

JIm who was standing back awkwardly moved to the linen closet to get some blankets so John could warm up, poor guy looked soaked,”I’ll make up the couch for you.”

John nodded against Zed as she pulled him to his feet,”Come on. You can not tell me about it.”

John let out a noise between a whimper and a sob,”Okay.”

* * *

 

John glared at Gary, it wasn’t anything he did wrong it was just John was raw and hurting and he couldn’t handle that  _ look _ anymore. Six months ago he would’ve revealed in that look of devotion and innocence. Reminded him of Dez. Dez who was banished to hell. Dez who would be suffering for all eternity because he was strong and because he loved John.

Gary just looked at John confused,”I’m sorry, what?”

John stood up and paced around the room, like a caged animal. This wasn’t fair but it was much safer then letting Gary love him, and then growing to care for the poor helpless sod,”This thing between us, it isn’t fair. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to me, it’s not fair to-“

John took a shaky breath he couldn’t say Dez’s name without it feeling like he’d been shot again. Gary went to catch John’s hand but John pulled away from him,”Isn’t that for me to decide?”

John looked at Gary, silent for a moment,”Not this time. I suggest you leave, before you end up like the last guy.”

Gary looked shocked but didn’t move and John remembered that they were in Gary’s apartment,”John wait.”

John let out a slightly hysterical huff and left the apartment slamming the door behind him. His heart, hearts, Zatanna and Nick’s, thrummed in his chest. John put his hand on his chest trying to quell the pain in his heart, his shredded, blackened, broken heart. Nick’s heart has been beating more and more strongly ever since Neron showed his face, it was making John nervous, he had to warn her, she was in danger. She was in the danger that made John’s gut knot up and become a blackened pit, the danger that his gut said Dez was in but ignored because he loved Dez and kid himself into thinking he could keep him safe.

* * *

 

_ “Did you love him?” _ Marie Laveau asked staring into John’s stained and blackened soul. Her eyes were like Desmond’s, knowledgeable and able to strip John of what little armor he was able to cobble together.

“You know I do.” John’s voice was soft, vulnerable, full of emotions. John would’ve gladly died instead of Dez, he would join Dez in hell if he didn’t know what he had in store for him. The various tortures from every demon and devil that John ever crossed paths with, every hellspawn that he ever pulled one over on or double crossed. Half of hell was gunning for John’s soul because of spite and the other half just wanted to strip the Laughing Magician to a baser sniveling crying creature. John felt the spell release him and sighed climbing out of the coffin and rolling out his stiff muscles, that spell was never fun.

“Tell me what happened to my Desmond?” Marie Laveau’s eyes soften, she knew true love. This marked boy felt it, not for the man and woman he shared his soul with through the bond of coven, but for her Desmond. Pure, earnest, and utterly devastating. The love that powered magics and devastated reality.

“A demon, Neron. Dez, was collateral damage.” John’s heart clenched that wasn’t the whole truth or close to it,”Just go ahead and curse me alright? Cause, I bloody deserve it.”

Marie looked at him concerned, he wanted to suffer and he was looking for any jagged rocks to cut himself on. He wanted to bleed and suffer until that was all he ever knew,”Why would I curse the man who could save the last of my line?”

John was masochistic to the end, it was one of his best qualities,”You don’t understand, Dez is gone. No amount of magic can bring him back.”

Marie pulled him closer allowing her to get a taste of her true power,”Save my kin.”

John gasped as he felt the magic start to close his throat, he really hated voodoo. He went to nodded so she could just release the spell and he could breathe again when Zari and Charlie burst into the door. John forgot how cute Charlie was, willing to fight a powerful magician with her fists,”Hey, Hey. That’s a nice rescue, loves, but, uh, Priestess Laveau And I were just, uh, just having a little chat weren’t we?”

Marie nodded noticing that this was far too painful for the Laughing Magician to tell his strangers, she knew he wouldn’t call them friends yet,”Now to our business.”


End file.
